She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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