Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
