Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
