Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
