Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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