I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
