We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
