She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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