She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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