I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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