If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
