I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
