we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
