apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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