do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
