Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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