Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
