Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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