I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
