the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
