I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
