My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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