i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
