I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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