i used baking grease as lip gloss
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
