I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize