I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
