Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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