He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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