I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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