So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
