How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
