Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
