My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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