wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
