when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just had sex on a roof
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
