If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
