I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
