id be glad to
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
