I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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