If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
