Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i drank out of a bidet.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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