I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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