New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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