Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
