i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
