So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
