I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
