and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
