you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
