Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
