i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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