Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
