I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
