I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
