Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
