I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Success! We fucked roommates!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
