There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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