I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
