ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
